Catching up......

The Big Catch Up….!!!

It has been such a crazy time these last few weeks…..I haven’t had the energy to keep up with my blog. There is so much in my head, but I don’t know where to start. This may get a little jumbled….hope you can keep up…lol

We have been noticing some deterioration with Dad….we knew it was coming…we’ve always known it’s coming…but that doesn’t make seeing it any easier. I think that over the months since his diagnoses…a year ago now…we’ve kinda put the worst out of our minds and dealt with the day to day stuff. Now that things are progressing, we aren’t able to deny any longer that Dad is going to die from this cancer….and it sucks, and it’s not fair, and it makes me mad, and it makes me sad, and it makes me…..a whole bunch of other emotions. On Friday morning, Dad took another fall. It happened in the bathroom, at 3:00 in the morning. Alex came running into our room to tell me that Nanny was calling and calling because Papa was on the floor. So up the stairs fly Johnnie and I. We find him on the floor in the bathroom, but because he had the door closed when he fell, we can’t open it. His head is almost against the door. Johnnie managed to get in, but couldn’t do much to help because Dad’s back was in such pain. We had to call 911. It took 2 paramedics and 4 firefighters to get him out of the bathroom on a medal backboard. Poor Dad. Seeing him carried out by all these men, it was so hard for me. Mom and I got dropped off at the hospital by Johnnie and we began the long wait. The paramedic had told us at the house that the hospital was crazy busy…..but when we got there it wasn’t so bad. We were quite shocked that they had Dad in a room, seen by the Dr. and admitted within 2 hours. Pretty amazing…!! So…this is where he is. In the RVH with a fractured back. They won’t release him until he can get out of bed and walk with a walker. Dad is refusing to get up and now wants my Mom to feed him….LOL… I think it’ll be a little bit before he is released. They are keeping him pretty comfortable on Oxycontin….he is showing some considerable confusion…but who wouldn’t on those kinda drugs. It’s now a keep him comfortable and as happy as we can until one of them wins…Dad gets up and walks out….or the Dr’s give up and send him home in a wheelchair…..the wait begins.  Tomorrow morning we leave for our vacation...I have some mixed feelings about going...but Dad has said that if I don't go he'll be mad...so off we will go.


We’re at the Cape….

We are finally here….and I am worried about home. I didn’t wanna come this time. I thought I should stay home and help Mom. I hate the thought of her being all alone. I had to realize (with help from an older sister) that I am not the only one who can help take care of Mom. I am not her only child and it’s okay for me to go away and enjoy myself while someone else takes over. So, with things under control (not mine) at home, we left for Cape Croker.



I LOVE THIS PLACE!!!!! It is so peaceful here and the view has always been glorious to me. As we were unpacking and getting things sorted, I looked out into the bay and there was five or six sail boats making their way in…..it was such a beautiful sight. It made me realize just how much I really did need this vacation. I needed to spend some time with my husband and my son. I needed to spend some time with ME. It made me happy that I came.

We had a pretty great day. Our friends Dave and D, who we camp with every year for the past five or so, came and the kids swam and had fun. We went up to their site for dinner and it was awesome. The kids had a great time making smores by the fire, and then it hit….someone decided that it would be oh so much fun to have some fireworks…now I like everyone, enjoy the fireworks…unfortunately, our Mortimer does not. The dogs had been laying peacefully in the truck….and then the fireworks. They literally scared the shit out of Mortimer. Johnnie went to check on them and the whole truck had been “mortified”….lmao. Mortimer had pooped all over….it smelled so bad. It was on their leashes and on the matts and on the carpets….and even on the plug for Alex’s laptop…..EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW it was everywhere. So needless to say…we are going to be shampooing the inside of our van………Dave gave Johnnie this cherry smelling stuff to try and help….now it smells like cherry poo… oh the joys…..:-D

Day 2….at the Cape.

I am sitting at the table in the trailer…all alone. I am really enjoying it. Johnnie took Alex and the dogs for a walk. I am sitting here trying to forget that the truck smells like poo…..actually, cherry poo………..:-D

We will have to go and get some stuff to clean the carpets and the rest of the van. I managed to clean the leashes, as best I could and Alex’s lap top cord…with Lysol wipes. When we go into the town I will buy a couple of leashes at the dollar store…I cannot walk the dogs with poo poo leashes…just can’t do it…LMHO…For now though, I am enjoying the birds chirping and the cool, fresh air coming in through the windows. The neighbours on both sides are packing up, which hopefully means a nice quiet week.

I love this place…!!!!

Day 3 through to the end......

We are very much enjoying our time with Diana and Dave and all the kids.  It is so nice to see Alex around the kids who know him and know how he is....they just have fun...no worries...... I haven't had alot of time to blog, but have been spending alot of time reading.  Johnnie and Alex went to a market in Oliphant and came back with lots of books.  Alex helped Dad pick out some James Patterson books for me...I love that my son knows me so well....:-)  What a great kid..!!

Today Diana wanted to get a tattoo....we toyed with the idea of getting matching ones, but Diana decided that she would love to get the teenage tattoo on her arm covered up with a cross that she had picked out.  I decided not to get one..................UNTIL............until Diana was getting hers and I could here the zzzz of the tattoo maching doing it's work...........omg I love that sound....LMHO...I have become a tattoo junkie.  I came across a sun drawing in one of Dean's (the native artist who does tattoos on the reserve) books.  I fell in love with it and it immediately made me think of when Alex was a baby and I would rock us in the rocking chair by his crib and sing "you are my sunshine" to him.  It was our song.  I sang it to him for years. Soooo that was that......another tattoo made it's way onto my body.....and I couldn't be happier....Johnnie on the other hand, he thinks I'm going overboard and that I should stop now....actually, he said thats enough, no more this year...........BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....it still makes me laugh that after 13 years Johnnie still trys to "put his foot down".......lmao.....if I really wanted another one, he would take me and probably even pay for it.....!!  That's my Johnnie.

So Diana and Dave have left for Quebec.  We all feel their absence...it's just not the same camping without them.  We will however enjoy some peaceful quiet together for the next few days.  We all need it, and it will be too soon when it's time to pack up. 

Eddy (our native friend who works at the park) comes by every once in a while for chatting and coffee...he loves his coffee.  We even had him for dinner one night...it was really nice.

So today is Wednesday and we have decided to leave early.  We are all feeling a little homesick, and worried about Mom and Dad.  So, we packed up and had the trailer towed to the front, where my father will pick it up on Saturday.  Home we go.

We got home and got unpacked and then Johnnie and I decided to surprise my parents at the hospital.  Unfortunately Mom had just left....we must have driven past her and not noticed....Dad however.....his face brightened when I walked in and he saw me.  He held out his arm to hug me and said "boy am I happy to see you"......that felt so nice.....soo soo nice....!  We're home....

Friends are so important.....!!!!!!

So tonight was coffee night.  And it was so much fun.  It is always so much fun and I am always so glad that I went.  But getting there for me is hard.  Things are so busy here with Mom and Dad that I am so tired and don't feel like going out.  I have to push myself to reconnect with the friends that I haven't seen in what feels like so long.  I realised tonight, that it is so important for me to push myself to go.  I love being around those other homeschooling mamas who feel my pain, LOL.  It is so necessary for me as a person, to have that connection with other woman.  I feel so energised and good about myself.  I take advantage of myself sometimes.....and I need to be reminded every once in a while that I am a vibrant and happy woman...not just a mom, wife, daughter, caregiver etc......I'm a pretty darn funny woman...:-)

Thanks so much girls for helping me to remember....:=)

And I promise that I will get those blogs from our camping trip up a.s.a.p.

40!!!!!

Ok...so tomorrow morning....(20 mins actually)...I will be 40 years old.  People keep asking me how does it feel to be 40.....or teasing me about being "so old".  Well I don't feel any different....and I'm actually quite excited.  I am feeling like I'm in a really great place right now.  The number of my age doesn't mean anything to me.  The way I feel and the way my life is, that's what's important to me.  I feel great and I feel that life is pretty good right now.  Granted, it would be much better if my Dad didn't have terminal cancer....but I'm choosing to see the positive things right now....he's stable....he's funny....he's still able to communicate with us (sometimes too much...lol).  Yes, there are things changing that we see all the time.  His memory is declining.  He needs to use a walker in the house now, and the wheelchair whenever we leave the house...but he's still with us and that in itself is a small miracle.  We thought at this time last year that he would no longer be with us...but he is, and for that I'm happy.

I took Alex to see Eclipse today.....OMG...I did NOT feel 40 when those young men were on the screen.....LMHO...I felt like a teenager......I looked more like a cougar I'm sure, ...but I felt like a gushing teenager...LMHO.  Don't worry...I'm not having a mid life crisis and looking for a youngin to make me feel better.....but damn....they didn't look like that when I was that age.... :-D

So...do I feel any older, wiser or otherwise different now that I'm "40"......nope...I'm still me.....and the number means nothing....!!!

Horse Racing....yeah..!!

My Auntie Debbie met us for dinner tonight....then we decided to go the casino....something Johnnie and I have never been able to do together.....Johnnie decided he wanted to go to the track side of the casino.  I had never been there and wanted to play the slots, but I wanted to be with him more...so I went with him to the track.....well wholly hannah........I love horse racing...lol.  I love the smell, the sound and the excitement.  I love the rush you feel when your horse is in the lead, and the elation you feel when you win $6.20 on a $2 bet on the first race.  On the second Johnnie won $29sh.....awesome... What a rush...LOL.  I am sure that I will definately be going back to the track.  I think Alex would get a kick out of it too.  I can see how it can be addicting.

What for?

I just don't get it......all the violence and the destruction.  Why do people need to behave the way that they did today in Toronto?  What are they trying to prove?  They hide thier faces so as not to get caught.  They break windows, blow up police cruisers and hurt innocent people....all for what?  I just don't get it.

Senseless Acts

Johnnie and I took Alex to Toronto today for his cousins funeral. I saw so much pain and discomfort, tears and well wishes and family clinging to each other for comfort. Why? Because we as a society have become intolerant.

It used to be that when someone got angry there would be words, or the police would be called... in some circumstances a fight would break out and a nose would be bloody...maybe a lip would be split.....now....it's guns and weapons and killing....it's all senseless. Because of one persons intolerance to a little noise, a man is dead and a family is mourning. A mother and father are without thier son, a sister is without her brother, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends all without the person they love. Left behind to remember good times, bad times, happy and sad times....but memories and pictures are all that remain of the one they loved. Because he was too loud.

When did we become so intolerant? When did things change so much that another persons life means so little? That what we want is more important than what the next person wants or needs? When did it become the norm to pick up a weapon and hurt, mame or kill someone? And will the law be there to carry out justice for Terry? How much time is Terry's life worth? How is that decided? What if his family doesn't agree? Do we have a say in what happens to the man that took away the one we love?

Senseless acts. Nobody wins and everyone loses. When will it end?

Getting used to disappointment

My sisters came up today to visit Dad for father's day (and to secretly check out his swollen tummy and feet). While here Lee decided to find pics of the "boat" that they will be taking next week to go across from Moosonee to Moose Factory......it was a bit of a shock....there is no way (dont' know how none of us thought of this) that they will get my Mom or my Dad down the floating dock and into a boat....let alone get them back out again..... Lee gently tried to help Dad to see that this would be an insurmountable obstacle to getting across. Dad, to say the least, was not happy to hear this. At first he was pretty angry...but soon came to realise that Lee was right. His idea was to wait until they got there and then figure it out.....HA...okay so let's set the scene.....my two sisters, my brother in law, my mother and my dad...all trying to manuever a moving dock whilst keeping my dad on his feet, hoping my mother won't fall into the lake and then if by some small miracle they make it to the end of the dock, they now have to get the two of them down into the boat....LMHO...I can see it now....okay...so they made it into the boat, now how in the he** are they going to get them out? My dad can't rise on his own weight...he needs something to pull himself up...and my mom cannot either, nor can she lift her right leg any higher than to put on her shoe.....so now there's five of them in the boat but only three can get out.... :-D so now that they have figured this out....they have to cancel thier night's accomodation at the Eco Lodge in Moose Factory and try to find a place for five people to sleep in Moosonee......Dad says there are lots of motels there....LMHO....

I really shouldn't laugh...but the pictures going through my head....anyway....Lee finally helped Dad to see that this was not a good plan....and she will try to transfer accomodation to Moosonee tomorrow...instead of chancing it.....My poor sister...

So....once everyone is gone, and Johnnie and I were bbqing outside.....Dad turns to Mom and says....well I'm getting used to disappointment hun....Johnnie bought some real nice steaks last week and I haven't seen them since......LMHO....so I guess we need to make the man a steak.....

I Love my Dad....:-)