What a ride..!!

Well....it's been quite some time since I've written.  So much has happened over the past months and it's taken me some time to get my "stuff" back together lol.

Dad passed away....on December 15, 2010.  In the evening.  Surrounded by his daughters, son in laws, his wife and his brother.  It was so peaceful.  Unlike at all what I expected.  I was afraid...but as he was in life, Dad was so layed back and calm even in his death.  I miss him.  I miss him alot.  But I feel that he is with us.  And that carries me through most of the bad times.  It is coming up a year already that he passed.  It's as if it was yesterday some days.

So....it took me some time to deal with my anger, frustration and pure, raw anquish over my Dad's death.  I have done alot of soul searching and trying to figure out what I want to do with my life.  Dad's sickness and ultimately his death showed me just how close death can be.  I wanted better for my life than just the existence that I was living.  The pretend happiness.  The me that everyone else thought they knew and loved.  I was losing myself in just existing and that wasn't good enough anymore.  So I broke free.....started getting tattoos because they meant something to me and made me feel good.  Got some new peircings..haha... AND started a new improved lifestyle. Complete with Jenny Craig.  It was Mom's idea.  She wanted me to go in with her....I thought "Gawd Mom they're going to be expensive and they're gonna suck you in with all their you can do it crap"...lmho....I so wasn't prepared for Sarah.  I went in with the thought that I would support my mother in her attempt at another weight loss program.  But walked out with the most powerful feeling that my life was going to change.  And she, Sarah, was going to help me.  And help me she did.  She signed us up and there was no going back from there. 

Jump ahead about 5 months....today I weighed in with our consultant Shannon, who is a real sweetie pie,  and has given me so much.....and I am officially down 54.4 lbs.  I have never lost 50 lbs in my life.  Now a very good friend reminded me the other day that I am not "losing" weight...that would make one think I was going to find it again some day....nope I'm "shedding".  The overcoat as Penny called it....for me...more like armor that I put on a very long time ago to protect the little girl that felt she needed it.  I am all grown up now and I don't need it anymore...so it's going away.  The hard work and perserverance (sp?) give me more pride in myself than I've ever fealt.  Although there are some mornings (less and less now) that I don't want to do the exercise, I get up and do it anyway...and the benefits last me the day.  I feel good, I have energy and I'm proud of myself for another workout done.

There are so many other things that happened over the past year.  But I think I'll keep them for now.  Reflect a little longer and decide what, if any of it, needs to be told.

Thanks for reading if ya got this far....:-)

D...